It is not just the austistic who are uncomfortable with small talk. Other types of neurodiversity also struggle with small talk. The key here is the ratio of clinical thinking to emotional thinking. The more a person’s intelligence is clinical the less comfortable they will be with small talk because it does not achieve anything from a clinical perspective. If a greater proportion of someone’s intelligence is emotional intelligence then small talk is more comfortable, this is because it is about making those around them feel comfortable. Once this is understood by all, then everyone will appreciate when small talk is appropriate and when it is not.
As I understand it, small talk is a way of the neurotypical connecting with others on a superficial level to ensure togetherness rather than conflict. Small talk excludes “difficult” topics so that harmony prevails. There are unwritten rules for small talk and those rules vary depending on the company. There will be different rules for all heterosexual male, all heterosexual female, all homosexual male, homosexual female, adult or family groups. The only connection between groups is that many words will be used but no real meaning will be derived from the conversations because that is not the point of the conversations. The point is to create togetherness even if it is at an artificial level.
The more clinical focus on detail and accuracy whilst the more emotional focus on togetherness without conflict, so small talk tends to be more of a problem to the more clinical thinker which includes the autistic. I don’t see this as a problem because the more clinical thinkers are problem solvers and unless you talk in detail you cannot solve problems. The neurotypical tend to skirt around problems to maintain cohesion but that cohesion is often very fragile because there are still problems below the surface that have not been tackled, and those problems rear their heads when pressures becomes overwhelming.
People who have very broad emotional intelligence might also find small talk uncomfortable because they are reading the room of people at a level that the neurotypical cannot see and so they are oblivious to what the broader emotionally intelligent person sees. This can be highly distressing to the empath who will see all the underlying tensions that are being kept at bay by small talk.
Another group who might find small talk difficult are those who have experienced trauma because they understand what small talk hides.
Like any thing in life there are benefits and detriments to all.